I AM
One soul to another: Hi! How are you?
If you find yourself well — and by well I mean you feel blessed by everything you are and everything that surrounds you. That you find beauty in the little things and appreciate the little bits and pieces of happy today brings you. — hell yeah! That’s something to celebrate wherever it is you are reading this from and right now!
If you find yourself in a dark moment, whatever that looks like, feels like and however it takes physical form in your life, I am sorry that you are going through that. You don’t deserve that. Now may not seem like it, but the light will shine again. I can promise you that. As for right now, as for today, be kind to yourself. Show yourself the love you know your heart needs and let that feed your soul. Sit down. Breathe. Inhale and exhale. And breathe. Everything will be alright.
And like Karol G says:
and Elton John always strengthens me:
and Hozier helps me understand:
while Russ reminds me:
and Zach Bryan grounds me:
And honestly, I could go on. But I hope listening to these songs brought you somewhere better. Today is all that exists. Right here on the verge of now. This moment … and this one… and this one too. I love you. You deserve to find and become whatever fulfills your soul.
I live every day between white and black moments and I know I am not the only one. We all have struggles and suffering and they all come in different shapes and sizes. But that is life. It’s all a part of being here and being human. Most of everything in life is outside of our control and comprehension. And yet somehow, when we find ourselves crushed by life’s events and experiences, it is hard at times, not to get caught up in them and let it go. To roll with the punches and come out stronger because of it.
I’m an advocate for change or rather a hardcore believer of growth which I also believe only occurs when change is involved. What triggers the change within? When life beats you around or even bitch slaps you across the face a couple times, what do you do? How do you react?
What events did life present you with that have or still do crush you?
What is a crushing event to you?
If we look closely enough, we can see that amidst the weight of whatever crushes you, we are given something interminably invaluable. In those moments, we are presented with a choice. A choice of ultimate power. We are given the choice to change. To grow. It was those moments, where I found my voice and I realized how to write my story. The power that came with being able to write and edit and erase and sometimes even crumble that piece of paper into a ball and start all over again on a new blank page is unfathomable for me. It is freeing. And a peace accompanied that. More than anything, at least for me, I found purpose.
When the value of the Law of Impermanence was first introduced to me, it made everything I had ever known obsolete. The “nothing matters” mindset kicked in and I found myself questioning everything and everyone. I questioned my reality, and I questioned its creator.
Turns out that by extension, the creator was I so that was a fun rabbit hole to go through. [God is within]
I ended up taking an unexpected left turn last minute into self-reflection. A journey to finding out who I am, who I had been and who I was hoping to become. This journey showed me the fragments of myself, from the ones that I had cemented in my core, to the ones that I ignored and eventually let time consume into forgotten. Turning to see my standing reflection was having to see the broken. Questioning my behavior and mannerisms came with that. Questioning my values, beliefs, purpose and ultimately my WHY. What fueled my existence? What was my reason? What was my cause that created my effect?
I am at a point in my journey where I have questioned my Self sufficiently but still not sufficiently enough. And although I have arrived at the “I AM” part and feel freed, my journey like everyone else’s continues. Growth and change have been the effects that the catalysts of my life have caused. And it’s a choice I continue to make every day.
I have often thought about my life and asked myself what I would change if I had the power to go back in time? This question startled me as I struggled to find something I could redo. The answer was simple. Nothing. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a fucking thing. Because if I did, this version of me that writes these words out now, would cease to exist. And this version of me is worth all of everything that has ever happened. All of it. The good, bad and the ugly.
Everything is worth it for me to be the me that I am right now.
I AM
Eddie Zuko sung it best:
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